My mum gave me two bottles of wine yesterday that she had left over from Christmas. ‘Don’t tell John – he’ll be really angry with me,’ she said, with genuine concern in her eyes.
Last night, I had just finished the vocal to new song The Girl Who Turned Into Herself, and, as I was tidying [...]

Today – well, for the rest of this week, actually – the song I shall mostly be listening to is
I’ll Never Go Drinking Again by Squeeze.
Happy New Year to you all.

I met Reg and Nigel at nine o’clock this morning. They were coming out of the Co-op supermarket with arms full of cans of Stella Artois.
‘Are you two drunk?’ I asked, incredulous.
‘You better believe it, Davy-Boy!’ Reg bellowed. ‘Been on the whiskey all night and all bloody morning, too.’
‘Wanna make something of it?’ slurred Nigel, [...]

No.50
You will renounce alcohol.
After a few months you will nounce alcohol again.
You will go on to renounce alcohol once more.
(You will probably nounce it again next week.)

Audrey and I made the mistake of wandering past Reg’s house this morning.
‘Hey, Lawrence, come and look at this!’ He pulled me inside to show me his new recliner.
He was drunk. Ugly and drunk. His sweaty face was like a Big Mac in a bucket of beer. He had a large tumbler of whiskey in [...]

So it finally happened: Nelson Galaxy slept with a man.
I must say, it is rather exciting to have such a sexually emancipated character in the family, but I think he is feeling rather awkward about it now.
For Nelson, waking up with a hairy man in your bed is definitely an idea conceived in the abstract [...]

Once again the festive season is nearly upon us one and all. Hurrah!
I will have my bottle of sherry, Audrey her special chews made from cows’ eyes and Nelson will be here, ostensibly to do some recording in the studio, but mostly for his annual yuletide drunkening with his big brother.
I have threatened to try [...]

Five blueberry smoothies – that’s the best way of curing a hangover; the best one I have so far discovered, anyway. Add a little vodka to each one and within twenty minutes you’ll be feeling marvellous.
I tried working in the studio, playing guitar on some of the new Nelson Galaxy stuff, but I could not [...]

No post today, I am trying not to think.
Hamilton Bentley, my actor friend, paid me a visit last night in his new car – a twenty-year-old Lada that had so many rattles, it sounded like he was delivering a drum kit – and made me get drunk with him.
‘You should see your face,’ he told [...]

I came across another marvellous find this morning. Scattered on the pavement outside the gates of St Michael’s Church were half a dozen enormous votive candles. The church doors were wide open and the unctuous strains of Mantovani were drifting across the rain-soaked graveyard.
I picked up a couple of the expensive looking waxy objects. ‘These [...]